I don’t consider wrestling an obsession—it implies an overriding prerogative for the purity of minutiae. As with my pursuit of epicurean intersectionality, I see my love of wrestling as more of a surrender to an immensity. There is more wrestling than I could watch in my lifetime. There’s American wrestling and British wrestling; puroresu and lucha libre; very scary real-fighty wrestling and comedy wrestling.
There is extraterrestrial wrestling and suboceanic wrestling. Team Sea Stars are ambassadors of the amalgamating forces of wrestling that bring us together and cast us off into the ends of the known multiverse in search of its many mysteries. Their bombastic effervescence, vivacious positivity and solid costume design make them deserving torch bearers for spreading the fervor of women’s tag team wrestling throughout the kingdoms and the frontiers of wrestling.
Forgive me for starting the interview on such a precarious foot here; normally I’d ask what inspired you to become wrestlers, but the more pressing question I guess is how did you learn that pro wrestling was even a thing? Do you have cable or video stores in Atlantis and P̶l̶a̶n̶e̶t̶ ̶I̶n̶t̶e̶r̶g̶a̶l̶a̶c̶t̶i̶c̶ um, I mean, wherever it is that you’re from, Delmi?
Ashley Vox: Wrestlemania 20, Manhattan NY! Right by the ocean, I could see it all!
Jawsolyn: I found wrestling through the Sea Stars! They opened up my world.
Delmi Exo: I’m from Planet Exo, originally the first closest planet to the sun, but since its explosion I know reside on Mt. Olympus. We have great signal up in space: we invented technology…so studying human culture was very easy for me! I especially loved watching men and women fighting within a roped box, sometimes even in some metal force field! Humans are very aggressive creatures.
What’s your training regimen like? It occurs to me that, up until now, all the wrestlers I’ve interviewed up to this point have trained with the understanding they would be (primarily, at least) fighting people with the same physiology. Did you have to, like, learn how our bodies work?
Delmi Exo: The Gravity on Earth feels heavier so unfortunately my speed has diminished from its glory days. It is also much colder here which caused me to get the cold many a times. To retaliate against this I train like those of Olympia, by lifting heavy mass iron repeatedly and staying tan!
Jawsolyn: Of course! It’s hard to learn what it’s like to walk like a human. Swimming is easier! And it’s much easier to defeat humans in the water.
Jawsolyn, I fear my first two questions might have left you out. I’m sorry. How did you come to join the Sea Stars? What are your official team duties in and out of the ring?
Jawsolyn: Ashley found me; she’s responsible for marine life. I was heading down a bad shark path and Delmi and Ashley showed me a better way to get out my natural aggression. Together we try to disprove stereotypes for any type of wrestler!
I understand you all have different dietary needs from most of us—do you have a word for us? How do you make sure you have enough of what you need to eat while on the road? Your tupperware game must be solid.
Delmi Exo: I eat cleaner than most humans; no pet name necessary on my end. I stick to counting macronutrients, vitamins, minerals, solar and caloric intake. I am deathly allergic to rain—whenever the sun is out on Frigid Earth I take advantage of it. I teleport my food to me when I begin running out. Tupperware is child’s play.
Ashley Vox: We eat differently from surface dwellers. I like to eat a lot of sardines because it keeps me in shape. Also, I carry two gallons of ocean water to keep me from getting weak. I can be on land for two days straight without being underwater. I’ve also noticed there are these red chewy fish snacks you can find at gas stations that Jawsolyn really enjoys.
Jawsolyn: Ew, no! I hate those Swedish fish! But I looovveee sushi! And goldfish! You humans! We call you landlubbers! We meal prep hardcore for travel, it’s definitely the best way to save money on trips. I usually meal prep for Ashley and I.
Tell me about your first time teaming together. How have you grown, as wrestlers and as a team, since then?
Delmi Exo: I’ve dreamed of honor in battle since I was an egg, but never have I fulfilled that moment in my life until the first day I was able to tag with my fellow SeaStar Ashley Vox. Adding in JAWSolyn was the cherry on top of a pizza, as you humans would say.
Ashley Vox: The first time teaming with my baby SeaStar Delmi felt surreal. It was something that we’ve talked about for so long, and trained together for so long and to finally have that opportunity to debut as a team just made more sense then constantly feuding against each other. It just fit like a puzzle, like it was meant to be and now we have a shark, so it makes us a stronger team!
Okay, so let’s some of us humans are feeling vainglorious and want to wrestle you in your respective home environments. How calamitous would it be for us? What local gourmet treats could we try to salve our wounded pride?
Jawsolyn:I suggest a shark cage if that were to happen! Most of the time humans come down in the ocean in a cage, us sharks are really just trying to help you out of them. But seriously, in what Tunaverse would anybody be able to hold their breath that long?? I suggest Krabby patties and jellyfish jelly to help coddle the loss.
Ashley Vox: I think they’d need something more special than a scuba suit to beat me under water! Just like Delmi made me special gear so I don’t get weak on land.
Delmi Exo: Humans? Wrestle in front of the Sun God? Hah. I would offer decadent fire noodles, but I don’t believe those are safe for the homo sapiens digestive system.
Are there any of our Earth-foods you’d like to have licensed? Maybe a Team Sea Stars breakfast cereal or a fruit snack!
Jawsolyn: A sushi roll named after us! That’d be jawesome! Or a donut!
Ashley Vox: A ramen bowl would be fintastic! That’s me and Delmi’s guilty pleasure.
Delmi Exo: Unfortunately, there is a cereal out there that has no correlation with us, yet. However, I would love to have an instant ramen made for Team Three Stars, because instant ramen is a comfort food and we would to be there for those who support us when they need it.
I imagine, to put it lightly, it’s all kind of a lot; the traveling, the working out the kinks to become an experienced team, the culture gap. How do you keep your spirits up?
Delmi Exo: There are zero benefits in keeping your spirits down. I’ve found that one person alone can keep themselves from accomplishing goals, dreams, aspiration but when you’re in a group, when you have a team, when you have family…well, then you can accomplish anything no matter the obstacles.
Ashley Vox: There’s these crazy human gathering sites…water holes? Where they sell these funny liquids—”beer” I think? That’s a real stress relief! Pretty tasty water.
Jawsolyn: Yes! The water holes! They have this red juice which originally attracted me because of the color. It smells just as Metallic-y too!
The tag rope: outdated or nah?
Delmi Exo: The tag rope is essential to keep teammates within their respective corners before making the tag. Without it, tags could be made within opposite corners, middle of the ring, on the outside. It’s necessary, not outdated.
Ashley Vox: So that’s what Jawsolyn’s been chewing on…
On the count of 3, I want all of you to say, off the top of your head, your dream for Team Sea Stars, the achievement that would prove to you that you’d “made it big”. Okay, 1, 2—
Ashley Vox: Ramen!
Jawsolyn: No Ashley, for our future—not this second.
Ashley Vox: Oh right! Japan!
Jawsolyn: First-class plane seats! I’ve swam, I’ve walked, but I really want to fly!
Delmi Exo: Japan is definitely on the agenda. The universe is the limit, however—we have no boundaries of where to go next.
What’s your final verdict on the terrestrial delicacy known as “salad”? Any tips on how it could be spruced up for a Sea Star palate?
Ashley Vox: This should explain how we feel about land and all it’s strange ways!
Delmi Exo: Ah, yes grass! It keeps me full and gets blended well into my shakes of protein.
Jawsolyn: I especially like when Delmi combs her hair with those dinglehoppers! They make a great massager too!
Author: Jetta Rae
Founder of Fry Havoc. Can be found on twitter at @jetta_rae